For years, I've had a hard time at Christmas, only recently coming to enjoy the holidays once again.
Many years ago, my "holiday" season started Hallowe'en night with the death of two friends, brothers. They'd wanted to travel to a neighboring town to visit a bar there, and being conscientious guys, they'd hired a local cab driver to be their designated driver. That's right, they'd done the responsible thing, and arranged for a non-drinker to drive them to an from that Hallowe'en celebration. Unfortunately, on the way home, the car hit black ice and veered off the highway, down an embankment and into a wooded area. The car wasn't found until noon the next day, and while both brothers were alive when found, they both succumbed to their injuries shortly after being discovered. The driver was injured, but survived.
Only a few short weeks later, a young man, whose mother had died of a brain aneurism when he was young, decided that life was something he didn't want to enjoy any more, and he took his own life. Only a few days later, his uncle did exactly the same thing, but in a different manner. On New Year's Eve, another close friend died while walking home from a dance. He suffered a heart attack. He'd been on prescription heart medication for years. One of his closest friends accidently ran over him as he was driving home from the dance, not seeing him in the bend in the road where he had collapsed.
That Christmas many of us wondered what we had done to deserve all the misery and loss we suffered. Every morning we woke to wonder exactly what we might find. We were a somber group that year, afraid to celebrate anything - a birth, wedding or birthday.
Even as we recovered, and life went on, reminders of the year before struck us broadside at Hallowe'en and it seemed it would be impossible for us ever to celebrate Christ's birth ever again.
Years have passed, I have children of my own, and I've come to celebrate the season again, focusing on how I remember my dear friends who have passed, and have embraced the opportunity to remember them at this time of year. I remember them with joy, focussing on the wonderful times we had as friends.
Now this year has brought that sorrow that has me hoping I'll be able to do that again. Three suicides in the space of a couple of weeks have me wondering if I need to create some kind of shrine. Suicides are hard to understand, but in some weird way, they are acceptable. The economy has people worried about where their next meal or mortgage payment might come from. It has some people saying "screw it" and spending every last cent they have to ensure their family has a wonderful Christmas, while others spend only a few dollars, making Christmas special in other ways.
Today, we got the news that a very much loved member of our community was tragically killed last evening while making a turn onto the highway. She couldn't gain traction and get her vehicle moving fast enough and was plowed into by a big rig. She leaves behind a 1 1/2 year old baby and a husband who is one of the heroes of our community.
With two kids, I'm trying very hard to remain positive, cheerful and thankful, but I find myself only wondering what's next?
In the meantime, I miss you Sugar, Brad, Tony, Nigel, Pauly-wogga, Shane, Trish and others. I will continue to honor your memory for a time every Christmas and say a prayer for you souls. But I want to be happy at Christmas, so I won't promise to spend a lot of time any longer. I'm sorry you are gone, by your own hand or by God's will. I'll think of you, but you won't be the focus of my Christmas celebration. Life will go on.
I thank God for that.
